Apostate Judas (2)

Judas won’t kill Lost.

No, perhaps it would be more accurate to say he can’t kill him.

Despite knowing he was destined to become an apostate, he still praised and worshiped the gods.

“Ha!”

Yes, his opponent is an apostle of the gods.

Someone who knows how to embrace with love.

Someone who offers understanding rather than judgment to an apostate he barely knows.

Even if he was once a heresy inquisitor, that’s who he is now.

Judas, who thought Lost would judge him if pushed, finally realized his miscalculation.

“You make me feel ashamed.”

An act driven by selfishness.

A shortcut, hoping to find peace by being judged by someone.

Now that this underlying intention was exposed, his opponent wouldn’t kill him.

“Cardinal Sicarii. I know nothing about you. I don’t even think you’ve reached a point of no return. So why would I kill you?”

“Yes, that’s right. After all, you initially tried to engage me in conversation, however clumsily.”

Judas lowered his sword.

That sword was still filled with darkness and star clusters reminiscent of night.

But the sky was bright.

A clear, beautiful blue sky with white clouds in harmony.

It felt as if all shadowed places were being illuminated.

‘Cotinus, I envy you. You made essentially the same choice as the apostle, didn’t you?’

Judas had lost his holy power long ago. And there’s no way the fanatic Cotinus didn’t know that fact.

Yet Cotinus had overlooked it. That fanatic who preached about responding to divine love had only shown sadness toward Judas.

“Do you think that’s mercy?”

Judas ended his brief reminiscence and looked at Lost again.

“I don’t think it’s mercy, but something that should be obvious. Cardinal Sicarii. Please abandon your attempts to turn me into a worthless murderer.”

“I see. My mistake. You must be a perfect being who receives the gods’ love. I was wrong to ask such a harsh thing of you.”

“Put down your sword.”

“But, apostle. I simply cannot understand. If you won’t judge me, why are the gods tolerating me?”

When Lost appeared, Judas immediately sensed that the time had come.

Even while struggling ignobly, he was somewhat relieved.

“I’ve sold sacred artifacts for a pittance, clung to endeavors destined to fail, and pointed my sword at a child of the gods.”

He still loves the gods.

He continues to live a life devoted to receiving their teachings and preaching them to others.

But the gods knew Judas would betray them.

That’s why they took away his holy power.

Yet, they didn’t judge him. Despite knowing everything, he couldn’t understand why they accepted his betrayal.

That’s why he firmly believed Lost would fulfill that role.

“Did they know of my betrayal yet forgive me?”

What a cruel love.

“And I, knowing this, still intend to betray them?”

What a cruel faith.

Lost is not a judge who came to punish him.

For Judas, accepting this fact was too difficult.

So, if that’s the case.

“Apostle. Do you know that in trying to save the poor, I was never once insincere?”

Even knowing he would fail, Judas gave his best effort. No, he didn’t even consider failure to begin with.

If he failed, he would become a great sinner, and if he succeeded, he could solve a long-standing problem within the Pantheon Temple.

He preferred to be helpful, even in his final moments, rather than becoming a sinner.

“But your thoughts must have been different, right? Didn’t you think I would deliberately fail?”

“…I can’t deny that.”

His expectation missed the mark.

Lost readily admitted it.

Judas Sicarii wasn’t as malicious as Lost had thought.

He was just an ordinary person still trying to break free from delusion even at this moment.

“I did consider that possibility. I spent days and nights wondering if I might commit such acts.”

As Lost had suspected, Judas had anticipated this too.

It was a plan with a high probability of failure.

He could also easily predict the outcome it would reach.

Every day, while striving, he lay awake worrying whether he was secretly hoping for that outcome.

He tried until the end. But even he didn’t know if his efforts were genuinely aimed at improvement.

Since there are no answers in the heart, Judas simply moved forward in darkness.

“Yes, I understand now.”

Judas raised his lowered sword again. He cannot kill Lost. But what about toward those he hated?

“You said I hadn’t yet reached a point of no return.”

“Cardinal Sicarii. Stop this.”

“No, no. It’s not about me stopping, but you making me stop.”

“Cardinal Sicarii!”

After wandering in darkness for so long, Judas had finally gone mad.

All he wanted now was judgment to end this miserable life.

He believed only the gods’ righteous judgment could save him.

“I’m afraid to continue moving forward in darkness. Having already discovered light, how can I steel my resolve again?”

The starlight fades from Judas’s aura. Only his blade, stained black like his clouded heart, remains.

“If there’s no reason to kill me, then I’ll kindly provide one!”

Judas swung his sword.

The sword energy created by his aura blade sliced through the earth, cut through space, and flew toward the spectators.

The poor, the objects of his hatred.

Cowards who only disparaged others’ efforts while having nothing themselves.

Judas unleashed that heart.

His twisted heart, having already lost its original purpose, only sought death.

“Cardinal! You mustn’t!”

“Haha!”

And what blocked that sword energy was an unnamed paladin.

He blocked the sword energy flying toward the poor by crossing his shield and sword. Of course, ordinary armor, shield, and sword cannot withstand it.

Just receiving that attack was enough to split his shield and sword in two, while his armor was heavily dented as blood gushed forth.

‘Ah, I am now beyond redemption. So please, God! Do not forgive my sins.’

Whoosh!

Judas retrieved his sword. Then, turning halfway, he swung it again.

Just like before.

Black sword energy flies toward the poor who were watching.

And nearby paladins and priests unite to block it.

“Ha!”

Behold. They are righteous.

Not him who oppresses and torments the poor, but those who risk their lives to protect them.

Boom!

Judas swung his sword recklessly. He aimed his sword at all the vulnerable ones in his sight.

But those attacks are blocked.

Those who follow the gods’ will and preach their teachings block that hatred.

“Yes, draw your swords.”

A cordon forms.

Paladins who could no longer just watch raise their shields in front and narrow the distance.

As the poor flee in panic, warriors of reversal gather to eliminate the root cause—himself.

Judas waited for his end, struggling as unsightly as possible.

“Block it!”

Shields block Judas’s attacks.

“Restrain the Cardinal!”

Swords cross and entangle.

“Don’t let him commit any more sins!”

Rough hands press down on Judas and take away his sword.

Chains wrap around his limbs, restricting his movement.

“Cardinal. We will not make you a sinner.”

Yes, it was subjugation.

Though he swung his sword wildly to threaten the poor, even then, Judas couldn’t kill anyone.

“Didn’t you say it yourself, Cardinal? To forgive rather than condemn. To teach people not to sin rather than judge them. That’s your teaching.”

All those who were wounded forgave Judas. They tried to understand him.

Everyone had experienced such delusions. And it was Judas who had dissuaded them from those delusions.

And now he himself had fallen into delusion and was lost.

Was that abominable? Did they want to curse him as a hypocrite? No.

They simply understood.

The feelings of the man named Judas. Those who had been close to him knew.

That he had been continuously striving.

“So please stop.”

“……”

It was just that the one who had felt it most keenly in the lowest places had fallen ill.

Judas looked up at the paladins and priests who were restraining him before lowering his head deeply.

They were all crying.

He had made them that way.

“If you leave me be, I may become a greater problem later.”

Judas was afraid.

He feared his changing self and what might lie at the end of that path.

He feared begging for his life, becoming a half-demon, and harming those he loved.

And coming to think nothing of it.

He was so terrified that he longed for judgment.

He wanted his life to be taken.

“So please……”

“Cardinal Sicarii. You are right.”

Lost interrupted Judas’s words. He is a sinner.

But he hasn’t committed a sin deserving of his life being taken.

Though people were threatened, no civilian was injured, and those who were injured plead for leniency.

They know he has been trying.

They know that even in the face of fear that he might someday become a monster, he continued to remain a priest.

“The heart is so difficult to describe that even oneself may not know it at times.”

Would the gods truly abandon a man who had strived so hard? Would all the gods, not just one or two, cast him aside?

That makes no sense.

Lost may not fanatically worship the gods, but he believes they care for people.

They wouldn’t reject a person just because they might betray them someday. It is right to strive until the very end to change that destiny.

Just as Judas has done until now.

So, watching Judas now, Lost spoke.

“Losing your holy power may not have been the will of the gods.”

Judas may truly have been destined to betray the gods. But even so, the gods would have embraced him.

Their mercy would never have ignored Judas’s anguish.

Even now, many struggle. Heresy inquisitors, paladins, Templars.

They all question whether the justice they claim is truly right.

In the end, there are those who come to see everything as futile and even deny their faith.

But they don’t lose their holy power in that moment.

For though a person may abandon the gods, the gods do not abandon people.

“You agonized. The hatred and contempt towards them. You did your best to overcome it. Yet you couldn’t deny those feelings.”

“……”

Now it was clear.

Lost came to know Judas not through him, but through the reactions of those around him.

He could tell how long-standing that anguish was.

“That’s why you might have unconsciously prayed: ‘Oh God, please do not forgive me. Condemn me so that I cannot use your power for evil.'”

Judas lowered his head.

Neither affirming nor denying.

It was exactly as Lost had said.

The heart is so hard to describe that even oneself has difficulty understanding it at times.

Which side was he on?

“…You could have thought that way. Your sin is that you didn’t.”

“That is correct.”

“Not even knowing your own heart, you traversed the darkness without realizing your eyes were closed. That is your ignorance.”

“Truly a foolish man. Such an inadequate person.”

“The gods must have found it unbearable to watch you like this.”

Lost didn’t come to condemn him. Though it may have been coincidental, one cannot deny that the gods’ wishes were intertwined in the entire process.

“Cardinal Sicarii. I didn’t come to condemn you, but to calm your heart.”

“God… Their proxy. Yet I am still a sinner.”

“That’s right. You are a sinner. Your sin is fanatically believing they are right without trying to understand your own heart.”

Judas had already crossed the line.

That much cannot be denied. Had he doubted a little more, had he tried a little harder, things might have been different.

Though no one was injured, people were threatened.

Though they forgave him, the wounds etched in their hearts are eternal.

Therefore, Judas must be punished. Not a judgment that condemns his life, but a punishment for his own sake.

“As the apostle of the gods and another master of the Pantheon Temple, I command. Judas Sicarii, I strip you of your cardinal qualification and decree permanent exile from the headquarters.”

“I will obey.”

“Then offer your final prayer of repentance.”

“I shall do so.”

Judas wept with his head bowed.

Though he betrayed the gods and doubted and tried to harm their apostle,

They still forgave him.

They overlooked his betrayal and still called him their child.

“Ah…!”

Judas was finally able to shake off the delusion in his heart. He could break free from the mindset of hating himself for hating the poor.

Now Judas doesn’t need to think about all that. He has been stripped of all responsibility, so he only needs to offer prayers as a single believer.

“Oh God!”

Judas saw the light illuminating the darkness. He felt the evidence of faith being inscribed once more in his old and sick body.

Wounds healed.

Vitality returned.

His aura, stained black, merged with divinity and turned silver-white.

“Why do you still love someone like me?”

Judas Sicarii.

He is a believer who only returned to his original place after setting down all responsibilities.

His holy power returned to him.

*     *      *

Judas Sicarii.

Once a paladin protecting the headquarters, once a cardinal, and also once an apostate.

Now, having received his punishment and becoming an ordinary believer, he was leaving the headquarters.

Those who had been threatened by him cursed and pointed fingers at him, while the priests and paladins who had forgiven him simply saw him off in silence.

His heart felt refreshed.

There was no delusion.

Only concerns about how to live from now on remained.

He had already paid the price for his betrayal. The gods forgave him, and Judas too could forgive the foolish ones.

Yes, though he was stripped of all rights and qualifications, he was able to regain the most important thing.

“Hmm?”

By clearing his sins and breaking free from the delusion in his heart, he was able to regain the holy power he had lost.

That must have been why

He could pour holy magic to heal a traveler collapsed by the roadside without hesitation.

“Are you alri— Oh, my goodness.”

“Cough! Cough!”

It was a critical situation.

The traveler’s injuries that Judas discovered were so severe that no one but a cardinal-level priest could heal them.

Had he not immediately infused holy magic upon seeing him collapsed, he would have died right there.

“What kind of vicious curse could be so—!”

Judas’s face hardened as he continued to cast holy magic.

Even though he had been stripped of his position, he had regained his holy power. He was the only one in this place who could save this man.

Even so, it was overwhelming.

It would take considerable time.

“How…?”

“Haha! My lifeline must be quite long. To meet a priest like you in a place like this, I’m truly fortunate.”

Gasp!

Judas was startled, his eyes widening as he tried to lay the man in the proper position to examine his condition.

Someone who shouldn’t be here.

And someone who shouldn’t exist.

“…Why have you entered the empire alone?”

The king of the Ares Kingdom.

“The Sword King, Calips de Ares.”

“Hehe……”

An enemy of the empire appeared in the heart of the empire, bearing injuries and curses.

Injuries of this magnitude could not be healed except by a cardinal-level priest.

But even with neutrality, the Pantheon Temple, which borrows territory in the middle of the empire, could hardly treat him openly.

“I’ll treat you first.”

Yes, it was like providence.

This was something only Judas Sicarii, stripped of everything, could do.

Calips watched Judas and smirked. He truly felt his lifeline was long.

“No, listen first.”

A curse so severe that most people would struggle just to remain conscious.

Despite this, Ares spoke solemnly with wide eyes, as if he absolutely had to say this.

“The kingdom has fallen. But no one in the empire knows it yet.”