Apology I

“Línea, there’s a misunderstanding. This is the sacred artifact Vitege’s Armor. It won’t even get scratched after taking multiple hits from a revolver bullet.”

“No, Lost. Just listening to that makes it clear there’s no misunderstanding. I’m talking about common sense here!”

Línea clutched her chest in frustration as she lamented.

Whether testing the armor’s performance or not, shouldn’t you remove the person inside first?

No matter how impressive the armor might be, there’s clearly a risk of accident.

Even if the armor itself doesn’t get destroyed, the bullets from Lost’s revolver could ricochet or shatter, with fragments getting lodged in the gaps of the armor and causing injuries.

In the worst case, fragments entering through the helm could blind Claire’s eyes.

Línea passionately explained these dangers and made Lost kneel.

“Do you understand? Lost, since you’re Claire’s guardian, you should be more responsible.”

“I’m sorry…”

Lost couldn’t rebut Línea’s words. They were all correct.

Having lived his life in back alleys, Lost wasn’t lacking in crisis awareness.

“Ah, um, unnie? I’m actually fine—”

“Claire? Has becoming healthy made the world seem like a joke to you? Have you forgotten how easily people get hurt, something you experienced firsthand and suffered through?”

“I’m sorry…”

Claire tried to calm the unusually angry Línea but got caught up in her rage instead.

“People are fragile.”

Línea could feel this truth more keenly than anyone.

Even now, she could see the red light enveloping the world before her eyes.

No one understands human fragility better than her.

“Claire, who’s forgotten about crisis awareness, is a problem too, but the main issue is clearly Lost. Children are naturally easily swept up by emotions and situations. You should have been the adult and stopped this, but instead, you led the situation…”

“…You’re right. I was too reckless. I should have known things were different now.”

Lost’s impulsive behavior stemmed from familiarity.

He compared the current Claire wearing Vitege’s Armor to the Claire he remembered from her paladin days.

“This wasn’t my intention. I actually came to apologize…”

Línea finally calmed down when she saw Lost admitting his mistake.

That thought kept appearing and disappearing in Línea’s mind.

She didn’t want to be disliked.

She wanted him to care for her.

She didn’t want things to become awkward between them.

These thoughts made one corner of Línea’s heart ache.

But she had to say it.

“I…”

Among everyone present, only she knew this fact. Because everyone else had forgotten.

She had to speak up.

“I know everyone’s carrying a lot of burdens, but I wish you’d all prepare, little by little, to return to normal life someday after all this ends.”

Believing that everything will turn out well eventually.

Wishing they’d take some time, even a little, to prepare for the happy future that would come next.

“I’m sick of thoughts like ‘I want to die’ or ‘It’s okay if I die.’ Those kinds of thoughts are exhausting now.”

These were things Línea had thought about.

But at the same time, they were things Lost had been thinking too.

Línea, who had treated her life lightly, and Lost, who prioritized his goal over his own life.

Though their directions differed slightly, the two were clearly similar.

“I’m tired. I’ll go back now.”

In the end, Línea ended up getting angry again without accomplishing her original purpose of apologizing.

She felt like she was ruining the relationship she desired with her own hands.

And she hated that.

*     *      *

After Línea left, silence hung over the open space for a while.

Claire was the one who broke the uncomfortable atmosphere.

“This seems… like a serious problem.”

“This is none of my business. You two can sort it out yourselves.”

“Titan. That’s not how a warrior should act.”

“…”

I couldn’t say anything.

It hit the mark perfectly.

Had I ever thought about what comes next? Had I decided what to do after defeating Belial?

No, I hadn’t. I had only been thinking about defeating Belial.

Because that was my goal?

Wrong. It was because I had no attachment to life.

I had subconsciously been treating my death as a foregone conclusion.

I only set defeating him as my goal for that reason.

And the most shocking part was…

“I really am a hopeless bastard.”

Even up to the moment Línea pointed it out, I had been thinking, ‘Is that a bad thing?’

I was disregarding life.

It’s similar to the self-contempt Línea experienced.

I preached eloquently about it, but in truth, I had been thinking something similar myself.

It’s utterly disgusting.

I had already received a lecture from Línea about this, yet my fundamental nature hadn’t changed.

“Lost, shall we go apologize?”

“…Yes, we should.”

Perhaps it’s time to stop lying.

*     *      *

Where did things go wrong?

Línea was locked up in her room, pondering that question.

Everything was fine at first. This wasn’t supposed to turn out this way.

She had secured Claire’s armor and caught Lost’s attention.

Things started going wrong when she got swept away by emotions she couldn’t control.

Getting hit back with her own joke after trying to see Lost flustered.

Getting angry over something like that.

Going to apologize and ending up in a situation where she had to get angry again.

How could nothing go right, from start to finish?

She had wanted to do well.

She had wanted to be praised.

Hating herself and the situation so much, Línea had no choice but to lock herself in her room.

She had fled because she didn’t want to get angry anymore in that place.

As Línea was wrapped up in blankets, ruminating on regret and self-loathing in the darkness, it happened.

“Línea, are you asleep?”

A light knock. Then Lost’s voice following it. To be honest, she didn’t want to meet him right now.

She didn’t know what to say. She might get angry again.

In Línea’s eyes, what Lost did to Claire was wrong.

But it was something he did unconsciously. Perhaps there could have been a better way to admonish him. She overreacted.

And shutting herself away over something so trivial was also an overreaction.

“No, I’m still awake.”

She didn’t want to run away anymore. She couldn’t keep feeling disgusted with herself in such a sensitive state forever.

“Can I come in?”

“Yes, of course.”

With a click, the door opens.

Línea awkwardly smiled at Lost as he entered the room.

Let’s make amends from now on. Apologize for earlier and keep silent about what happened afterward. Return to our normal relationship. That would be enough.

Insisting on anything more than that is what led to this mess, so it’s better to stop.

“I wanted to apologize for earlier.”

“I’m fine. And if you’re going to apologize, I think you should do it to Claire…”

“I’ve already done that. And what I want to apologize for is also because of something else.”

“Something else?”

“Yes.”

Lost closed the door and crossed the dark room. He didn’t turn on the lights.

He simply moved silently through the darkness until he reached where Línea was.

“Mind if I sit down?”

“Um… sure.”

Línea nodded at Lost’s casual demeanor.

Lost sat on the bed where she had been curled up.

The unexpectedly close proximity made Línea’s heart skip a beat.

“I once told you that I couldn’t bring myself to like this world.”

“…You did.”

“I don’t think I properly explained the reason back then.”

“Is that something to apologize for?”

“Of course not. It’s my freedom to talk about it or not, isn’t it?”

“That’s true.”

“I…”

Lost took a deep breath.

It might be a long story.

To explain what the world means to him now would probably require explaining many things.

Yes, to start the introduction.

“I feel like this is something I should tell you, even if no one else knows.”

This must be right.

Lost told Línea.

He opened up about himself.

That he had traveled back in time, spanning 10 years to return to the past.

That’s why the world felt like looking at a painting in a frame.

That’s why he couldn’t love the world and felt somewhat detached.

And…

“I’m willing to face my own death if it means I can kill that damned demon. That’s the meaning of my life.”

“…”

Even what the current Lost felt.

A goal to live for, despite being in a world that wasn’t his own.

The sacrifice he had chosen to make for someone’s request and for the sake of the world. These were things that needed to be addressed at some point.

At least, he thought these were things he should eventually share with his companions.

“…”

Línea didn’t think his words were nonsense.

Lost had already mentioned something about being a prophet.

Besides, wasn’t he an apostle of the gods?

If there were miracles performed by the gods, it seemed plausible.

That’s why what Línea asked wasn’t about the truthfulness of his words.

“Why did you think you should tell only me this?”

She couldn’t understand.

Why he would tell such an important story, at this moment, and only to her.

Somehow, she was both scared and excited to hear the answer.

“I told you, I wanted to apologize. I lectured you while treating my own life lightly. My words were just empty rhetoric.”

“But that was enough for me. What you taught me wasn’t that my life had little value, but you gave me a reason to want to live.”

“I see.”

“Was there no other reason?”

“There was.”

Lost sighed deeply.

Even though he had already decided, the words wouldn’t come easily when he tried to speak.

It’s time to stop lying. At least to Línea.

“Because you’re a special person.”

“Hnnngg…”

Línea inhaled sharply.

She pulled the blanket she was wearing tighter to cover her face.

She shouldn’t misunderstand. The “special” Lost is referring to isn’t that kind of meaning.

Despite thinking that, it was hard to calm her racing heart.

“You said it back then.”

“W-what did I say?”

“That I should try to like you.”

“M-me?! When?! That’s not right?! I-I said you should try to like p-people!”

“…Línea, I’m not an idiot. I’m certainly not someone who would mishear something like that in such a quiet night.”

He had just pretended not to know.

It was for her sake, but at the same time, it was also for Lost’s sake.

He let her run away.

He maintained their relationship with that lie.

Then why?

“Línea, I can’t have that kind of relationship with you yet.”

“…”

Because the conclusion is already set.

Because it seems like it would only leave wounds.

Línea had said: if he couldn’t like the world, he should try to like her.

But to like her, he would need to like this world too.

Lost still had no reason to live except for his goal.

And the biggest reason was separate. It was still vivid.

There was someone who had asked if he could do better tomorrow.

That voice. A voice he couldn’t even remember now had led him here. It was both encouragement and a curse.

It was the catalyst and driving force that made Lost who he is today.

Yes, Lost had to admit it now that he had reached this point.

“I’m a sentimental guy who’s still dragging out my first love.”

He had loved her, whose name he couldn’t even recall now.

As a person, as a woman, and as both a friend and an ideal.

That’s why he had said he would find her.

Yet, he hadn’t looked for her.

He had walked a path contrary to his resolve. Even coming to the Pantheon Temple was something he did after becoming an apostle.

Until then, he had deliberately tried to avoid associations with the Pantheon Temple. Because he was afraid to revisit traces of her.

“But I should let it go.”

He hadn’t forgotten her request.

Neither had he forgotten loving her.

He would probably never be able to forget.

He would live trapped in the fantasy of her, whose face and voice he couldn’t even recall.

But despite all that, he was the one living in this world.

“So, Línea.”

He couldn’t have that kind of relationship with Línea yet. But he also didn’t plan to remain stagnant in this state.

He needed to decide.

For the sake of living in this world, he needed to let go of his memories with her.

That was for a better ‘tomorrow.’

What he had promised her.

“I won’t push you away.”

This was an extremely arrogant thought.

And a one-sided request.

“So you should help me learn to like the world.”

“…That’s not an apology, is it?”

“I’m sorry for being this kind of man.”

“Ah, so that’s the apology…”

Línea let out a hollow laugh.

Lost’s words were surprisingly simple.

He would accept everything, so she could keep trying endlessly.

A truly arrogant statement.

“So, don’t push me away?”

But Línea thought it was fine anyway.

She already knew there was someone else in Lost’s heart.

It was she who had tried to push that person out and take her place.

Línea, still wrapped in her blanket, turned toward Lost’s side.

Her head tilted slightly and touched Lost’s shoulder.

Swish.

Her tail, moving inside the blanket, wraps around Lost’s arm.

For now, just this much.

“Let’s stay like this tonight.”

Yes, just having someone to share this darkness with.

She could be happy with just that much right now.

—

Translator Note:

Sorry for breaking your immersion!

I know we’re already at chapter 118, but something has been bugging me. It’s about how I’ve been translating Belial as “demon.” After seeing more and more demons and half-demons, I started thinking, “This feels off. If there are multiple demons, not just one or two, then I should use a different term for Belial like ‘devil’, since he’s more powerful and at the top of the hierarchy.

I realize this is my own oversight, so expect a possible change in how I refer to Belial. Maybe using “devil” instead. The same goes for Revenna, by the way. Of course, I might not change it, but I just wanted to give a heads-up!