Proposal (1)

Tension filled the front lines.

Yet, surprisingly, a sense of leisure coexisted with it as well.

Yes, the demon forces that had been relentlessly pressing us had stopped.

While some argued it was time for a counterattack and others countered that we should be careful.

The conclusion was inevitably simple.

“Humans have their limits, after all. We need to rest when we can.”

The fatigue of the soldiers.

While our opponents were tireless beings that wouldn’t die even when beheaded—practically half-immortal—we were different.

Having a chance to recover from that, even slightly, was a good thing.

“The next battle will be the end.”

“Yes, the finale is approaching.”

“My Cielo.”

“Yes, Saintess.”

And in this brief moment of respite, my companions and I had already arrived in Coinur ahead of time.

It was for reconnaissance and to check if the devil had set any traps.

And for that, we were…

“…Is it really okay for us to be like this?”

“A little bit should be fine, don’t you think?”

“Hmm…”

Enjoying a light stroll.

Well, nominally, it was a patrol. Though no one in our party actually took it seriously.

The demon forces were gathered at the front lines far ahead, and all the original inhabitants had evacuated.

We were simply wandering these quiet streets.

For reference, we were working in shifts.

This time I was paired with the Saintess, but tomorrow I’d have to form a pair with Línea.

My patrol frequency seemed suspiciously high, but what could I do?

As I mentioned earlier, it was a patrol in name only, but in reality, it was no different from a date.

Though there were no cafes to visit or theater troupes to watch here anymore.

“Come to think of it, we’ve been so swept up in everything that we haven’t had time to rest. The Saintess must have been trapped in there for over three years.”

“That’s…”

Eve was never one to assert herself much. At least the Eve I knew would have dragged me around to various places.

Though we didn’t have the leisure for that, so I’m not one to talk…

“Should I guess what’s on the Saintess’s mind?”

“…”

“You find this world unfamiliar, and feel like you don’t belong here.”

Yes, I wasn’t the only one who experienced regression. She, who remained at the ‘passage’ to send me back and remembered that moment, also remembers everything.

“Doesn’t it feel like looking at a painting that’s been painted over?”

“…Cielo is quite perceptive.”

“Not really.”

Indeed, I don’t have the ability to penetrate others’ hearts.

If anything, I’m rather oblivious.

But even someone like me can understand some things.

That is, inference based on empathy from being in the same situation.

“I felt the same way.”

She’s walking the same painful path I did. She’s probably also calculating when to throw her life away, just as I once did. I’m sure of it.

“Are you thinking that sacrificing yourself to stop the devil would be enough?”

“I can’t hide anything from you.”

“It’s because I was the same. I couldn’t get used to this world, it had become so different from the one I knew, and I couldn’t love a world where all my efforts, memories, and traces had been painted over.”

I was prepared to face death.

That was true until very recently. Yes, if I could just defeat the devil, Belial…

“But now I understand. We’re just unfamiliar with all this.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, we simply deluded ourselves into thinking we knew something similar.”

I felt it every time I saw Línea, whom I had saved, and every time I saw Claire, who had grown up to be so impertinent.

Those versions of them were unfamiliar to me, different from the ones I had known.

Both had become somewhat happier.

I helped make that possible.

The wounds in Claire’s heart hadn’t fully healed, but she was able to become a stronger person, and Línea became someone who knew how to love.

It was certainly a good thing, but for me, it was also unfamiliar.

“Do you know the origin of my name?”

“Name? You mean ‘Lost,’ right? Yes, I know. I was watching back then.”

“Then that makes this conversation easier.”

I thought of my second life through regression as a journey of losing things.

Losing memories, losing connections, losing Eve.

Everything would be different.

I had to move forward with only my memories remaining.

“But in the end, I came to love this world. No, it would be more accurate to say I came to love the people living in this world.”

“…I hope you’re not planning to mention another woman’s name during our date?”

“As expected of the Saintess. I’ll refrain from mentioning names.”

“My goodness…”

Come to think of it, that was true.

But since this was an important conversation, I decided not to mention any names.

Yes, if I didn’t have this talk, I couldn’t say what I wanted to say to her either.

“Someone told me that if I couldn’t love the world, I should love myself.”

“That’s quite the fox.”

“Well, she is a fox.”

I didn’t mention any names, but it was obvious who I was talking about.

The other one has a shorter relationship with me than Eve.

Though we met her first, and apparently she liked me first…

“So you want to tell me that’s how you fell in love?”

“There were many trials and errors. To be honest, I rejected her at first.”

“Was it because of me?”

“Yes, when I heard those words, I realized that I liked the Saintess as well.”

“Hmm, hmm… I-I see.”

Explicitly stating that I like her. Is this the first time I’ve been so direct?

Come to think of it, Eve already thought we were dating, so this might have a special significance for her.

“Well, for that reason, I rejected her once. But on the other hand…”

“On the other hand? What is it? I’m quite curious what excuse my Cielo will come up with.”

“…I thought the Saintess wouldn’t want that.”

“What kind of… Ah, no. You’re right. I probably would have.”

It seems she wanted me to live my entire life longing for her. Well, considering she thought we were already dating, it’s not strange for her to think that way.

The problem is that I had no such thoughts at that time.

“The Saintess was my benefactor, an object of admiration, like a flower on an unreachable cliff.”

“Weren’t we quite close?”

“In terms of friendship, yes, but in terms of love, we were far apart.”

“…”

As I’ve said several times before, the Saintess, who thought she was engaged in a platonic love one-sidedly, apparently didn’t think that way.

Hmm, I had no idea there was such a difference in perception.

“…Anyway, that’s not the important part here.”

“Isn’t it important? I don’t understand why you want to skip such an important topic. I’d like to hear what you decided to do.”

“…I said I couldn’t betray the Saintess, but I also wouldn’t push her away unconditionally.”

“…Well done.”

Strange.

I was certainly trying to have a good conversation, but why is the atmosphere getting increasingly tense?

Where did I go wrong?

It was good up to the point where I accurately pinpointed her concerns, but was it bringing up Línea that was the issue?

But it was something that needed to be addressed at some point.

Well, what can I do? It’s because of my choices that we’re facing this outcome. I’ll have to accept the consequences.

“To be honest, it’s not related to the present situation, but even later on, I never forgot the Saintess.”

“Are you making excuses?”

“Yes.”

“I appreciate your honesty. Then what exactly was this ‘later’ situation?”

“It refers to the state where I eventually came to like Línea, but recognized that I also liked the Saintess.”

“Did you not think you’d get in trouble for saying this while saying it?”

“First Apostle Peter taught me that forgiveness is easier than permission.”

“…”

Eve, who had been walking beside me, finally stopped. I tried to lighten the mood with a joke, but it seems it didn’t work.

No, she’s the one who asked me to speak, and I tried to answer honestly, so it feels a bit unfair when she stares at me with such empty eyes.

“My Cielo. Instead of getting angry, may I say just one thing?”

“I’m all ears.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore during our private time together.”

“I apologize.”

I didn’t point out that it was more than one thing. My lack of perception doesn’t extend that far.

“Fine. Since we’ve started, it’s just like Cielo to see it through to the end.”

No, I wasn’t like that. If anything, the Saintess was the one who was like that.

“Well, only the conclusion remains. And I won’t mention anyone else.”

“Given that every word you’re about to say stems from that woman, what’s the difference?”

“Saintess, your words have thorns. I think this is the first time I’ve seen this side of you.”

“And?”

“It’s charming.”

“You’re quite good with flattery, my Cielo. But I’ll forgive you out of my magnanimity.”

“Thank you.”

This series of exchanges is one of the conversation patterns that the Saintess and I often had.

Yes, one could say it’s familiar. But is that all?

“Saintess. No, Eve.”

“…Using my name at this point is a bit cowardly.”

It worked well. I’m also trying to set the mood here.

“I never thought that Eve liked me. Or even if you did, I thought it would only be in terms of friendship.”

“That’s right. I was always the only one who was sincere.”

“But Eve, you can’t claim to know everything about me either, can you?”

“I certainly didn’t imagine you’d have such a playboy tendency.”

“That’s exactly it.”

“Are you asking me to acknowledge your infidelity?”

“No, I’m saying that despite thinking we knew each other well, in reality, we didn’t.”

The biggest reason I came to realize I’m living in this world is because of my conversations with her.

Yes, even though I came to love Línea, I still couldn’t completely erase the option of sacrificing my life in battle against Belial.

“Eve, what we thought we knew might have been just an illusion. What we thought was different from the past might not have changed at all; it might just be aspects of each other we didn’t know.”

Claire is a perfect example.

The Claire I knew before was a cold, ice-like girl.

But the girl I changed through regression and interaction was a cheeky brat.

But here’s the thing: despite that, I knew nothing about her.

“You know what? Claire, that kid, has the attitude of a delinquent.”

“How did that happen?”

“I have no idea. I never taught her that or raised her that way, but at some point, she just became like that. I just told her to try provoking Wind’s Tomb a bit, and…”

People have unexpected sides to them.

This means that we never fully knew people.

“So, Eve. We just remembered the aspects we knew and mistakenly thought they had changed.”

The essence probably hasn’t changed.

Whether wounded or not. Whether they overcame their struggles or not.

“Their speech might be different, their actions might be different, the form of their relationships might be different, but they were all the same people.”

Yes, they’re not different. I’m not floating alone in this world.

I just knew more than others and made too many assumptions.

“Even if you’ve gone through this world once before, nothing goes as you think. I’ve gone through so many trials and errors.”

Just because I know the future, just because I know a person’s fate.

I can’t claim to know everything about that person.

I can’t guarantee that everything will go according to my wishes.

“So, Eve.”

I take her hand.

I pull it gently and place a light kiss on the back of her hand.

“Let’s try to love the world we’re going to live in.”

“Cielo…”

“And if that’s still difficult, I’ll be by your side to support you.”

Even if I gave everything else to others, these words were my first, reserved solely for her.

“So, will you continue to be with me from now on?”

My proposal to her.