My ■■■ (6)

What Eremus, who came to be called a trial, did was simple.

-You hypocrites, now it’s time to pay the price.

Killing the Pantheon Temple priests who planted false hope.

And destroying the jars of solitude that might still be creating others like himself.

He repeated such actions over and over.

-I’ll give you my life, so could you please spare these people?

-…

-No, I am the Saintess of the religious order after all. I thought my life would have some value.

-Woman.

-Woman? My name is Hecate!

-Why are you sacrificing yourself?

-Because they’re the ones I took responsibility for! How unsightly would it be if I just made fancy speeches and ran away?

Through this process, he came to realize that not all priests were hypocrites. There were those who could willingly lay down their lives.

-…Take those vermin and get out.

-Ah! Really, is that okay?

-Before I change my mind, now.

-Yes!

But he couldn’t find meaning in it.

Perhaps it was because when he realized not all priests were evil, he also realized that not all those he saved were good.

Those he rescued would end up being killed by heresy inquisitors elsewhere or become criminals.

All people are potentially evil and potentially good.

Such contradictions existed.

Eremus felt himself becoming increasingly strange. Because he could no longer determine whether what he was doing now was right or wrong.

Is the world beautiful? Is it worth surviving to this extent?

Around the time such doubts began to sprout.

-Oh?

He realized no one could follow him anymore.

He couldn’t control his power.

Amidst doubt and despair, he couldn’t find beauty in the world. Still feeling isolated, unable to find meaning even in his own actions.

Because of this, he had now become someone who could accept no one.

Not humans, not half-demons, not priests.

He felt disillusionment with everyone. He saw possibility in everyone.

No, it wasn’t either. Because he didn’t know anything anymore.

It was time to end it now.

However, he didn’t know what would remain for him if he stopped like this.

Therefore, Eremus continued his meaningless journey. Killing hypocritical Pantheon Temple priests he encountered, saving half-demons who pleaded injustice, but ultimately causing them all to die from being unable to withstand his power…

At the end of living such a life clinging to purpose without meaning or conviction.

-…What meaning is there in this?

He lost the meaning of life.

In between thinking he should stop now and slowly face death.

-Heehee! It’s Dad!

-…

Eremus found a being exactly like himself, but far more immature, tugging at his clothes.

He couldn’t tell where the girl had come from.

He could only sense that this girl who appeared beside him, where no one could approach, was exactly the same kind of being as himself.

And, wasn’t that enough?

So without a single doubt even in such a strange situation, he simply embraced the girl and felt her warmth.

-Yes…

Only then did Eremus, the boy who hadn’t yet become an adult, realize.

-Thank you for coming to me.

That he had been lonely.

Eremus stopped.

He made his nest, settling in a quiet forest.

Eremus found himself able to smile genuinely while looking at the girl.

The world wasn’t beautiful.

But surely the world his beloved daughter would live in must be beautiful.

Because she was such a…

-Heehee!

Brightly smiling child.

*     *     *

After traversing the dark cave and circling the world, I was able to return to where I first came.

The dark cave.

Eremus’s mental landscape.

“Lilia…”

Lilia isn’t a separate being. No, it would be more accurate to say she wasn’t.

Just as Geppetto created Pinocchio using a heart as a medium, Eremus created a companion to comfort his loneliness through his power.

In some sense, that could be called a division of himself, but…

“She was your real daughter.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

In the end, they must surely be family.

“Lilia doesn’t know where her hatred comes from. Because it’s not hers but mine.”

“Well, that makes me feel a bit cheated about getting beaten up.”

As he said at first, it was hatred even he couldn’t understand.

Lilia is being swayed by memories that aren’t her own.

The truth has been revealed that I had no reason to be beaten by that damn kid when I should have been beaten by Eremus.

How could this be.

“Lilia left home, you see. Because I’m going to die soon.”

“I don’t understand from the start. You dying. Is aging or deterioration even possible for you?”

“It’s impossible.”

“Then…”

This means Eremus is wishing for death himself. He’s slowly killing himself.

Then what could be the reason?

What reason could there be to abandon in this world alone the daughter he loves enough to throw everything away?

“I have to die for her to live. For a world to remain where Lilia can live. My power is gradually becoming unbearable even for that child.”

“…”

Power that even one of his own kind cannot withstand.

Eremus clearly defined his reason for having to die.

“Don’t you think that brat left behind in this world will experience the same pain as you?”

“No, because unlike me, Lilia isn’t trapped. Even now her power occasionally runs wild, but she’s adapting well to the city of Rubia, isn’t she?”

“It’s a bit problematic if you call acting like a tyrant ‘adapting.'”

“Heehee, that’s true. That’s why I was planning to send her out to the world a bit later, but…”

“She ran away.”

“Hmm… It’s my fault. I carelessly spoke about my death. Lilia, who wasn’t prepared, got scared by that. She’s throwing a tantrum like that, protesting while hoping I’ll reverse my decision to face death.”

“What an incredible family issue.”

It’s amazing that the scale could potentially shatter the world itself.

At least I could understand why Lilia doesn’t kill people.

That brat was afraid of death. Because she had already seen the shadow of death approaching her parent.

She could fear that formless thing more than anyone.

“Could you persuade Lilia?”

“You’re saying this now after pressuring me earlier?”

“Because now I think I can fully trust you.”

“Then what about before?”

“If I found you truly untrustworthy, I was planning to leave you to die.”

“How terrifying.”

I get chills from Eremus’s words as he shrugs his shoulders.

Well, considering that Lilia’s hatred originated from Eremus, it’s natural.

Just being able to have this conversation is remarkable when thinking about how he could be called the source of that hatred.

He must be swallowing all his displeasure and not showing it.

“But why suddenly?”

“Hm?”

“After tormenting me so much, I don’t understand your basis for saying you can trust me now.”

To be honest, I can understand why he distrusted me.

I was exactly the same as the Pantheon Temple’s heresy inquisitors he hated.

He would have been justified in killing me right there.

That’s why when he now says he trusts me…

I just can’t believe it.

“Because you stopped making excuses.”

“Pardon?”

“Just know that.”

“Ah, yes…”

Though his smile was gentle, I couldn’t express any further doubts.

“The corruption won’t trouble you anymore. Because I no longer need to watch over you.”

“I like that.”

“And from now on, no poison will be able to corrupt your flesh.”

“I like that even more.”

After all the trouble, I never thought he would give such rewards.

It’s just returning one runaway daughter after all.

“Now go. Stay any longer and you’ll die from suffocation before corruption! Heehee!”

It was no laughing matter.

*     *     *

Lost departed.

But in that dark cave after Lost left, Eremus still stood staring into empty space.

Though the dream’s owner had already vanished, he still had something to do.

“How was it?”

But there was someone speaking to him.

A woman in pure white attire with a pure white mask and indiscernible hair color.

“Well, I found him untrustworthy.”

“That’s different from what you said earlier?”

“Still, I think he can at least bring back my runaway daughter.”

“I see.”

Seeing Eremus laugh saying that was enough, the woman seemed to smile back as well.

“My, are you leaving already?”

“If I stay, it’ll make that fellow uncomfortable.”

“It’ll be lonely.”

“That’s not my concern though.”

“…”

Eremus walked into the dark cave with a slight smile.

His retreating figure no longer appeared as that of a fragile boy.

“How bittersweet.”

The woman left alone turned around.

Behind her was not the dark cave but her warm garden.

“Do you know?”

■■■ doesn’t know.

“That I’ve been searching for you for such a long time.”

In his blank memories.

The girl called the Saintess of the sky remained.

“You watched my back. I never imagined I would become your support…”

■■■ was her support.

She endured this harsh world anticipating the day they would meet again.

“Actually, I thought that would be enough at first.”

She watched ■■■’s back, and ■■■ watched hers.

The two who trusted each other more than anyone ironically weren’t looking at each other’s faces.

Only as someone to chase after, only from a step back. That’s how they only watched each other’s backs.

“Using the power I borrowed from you, I tried to do the things you should have done, but in the end, I failed.”

The world was destroyed.

It broke beyond meaning no matter how much she struggled.

The outcome of trying to handle something beyond her capacity.

“But you can do it, right?”

For ■■■, she was the sky. But perhaps she might have been the ceiling blocking the true sky where he should have lain.

“Because you’re someone who can do better tomorrow than today.”

She believes.

The being who made her who she is now.

The person who became her support.

“My…”

He was more vast than anything, the one she loved more than anyone.

“Cielo.”

Because he was the beautiful sky (cielo).

*     *     *

It was a brief statement. It was even thrown out almost as a joke.

But when I heard those words, I finally realized.

-Because you stopped making excuses.

Yes, that’s right.

Until now, I had been blocking my own growth by making excuses.

What a foolish thing I had been doing.

She was the person I respected most. I wanted to be like her.

But I…

-I’m different from her.

-I can’t do what she did.

I had been denying that from the start.

Yes, I probably couldn’t become like her. I probably couldn’t bestow the same benevolence on others as she did.

“I…”

But you see. Despite that, I should have said this.

“I’ll accomplish it, just as you did.”

My body feels light.

It feels like something that had been weighing me down until now has vanished.

Because the corruption is gone? No, it’s probably not just that.

Something inside me has changed.

Lilia is looking down at me.

From where she threw me, she’s watching me with an astonished face.

Only then did I recall that I had been thrown into the main drainage.

The water current didn’t wet me.

As if by miracle, the overflowing water current was avoiding me.

Still, just in case, I lightly jumped to escape from the bottom of the waterway.

My body wasn’t heavy, and the holy power I had always thought insufficient was overflowing.

Crack!

The mask I wore to hide my own unworthiness cracks.

Having taken her punch, it naturally couldn’t withstand.

Though it was quite a sturdy mask, once cracked it’s only natural it would soon break.

Wasn’t there already a weak point? Though it was a mask without any special decorations or engravings, there was just one thing carefully carved into it.

Crack!

A crack forms along the inverted cross carved on the forehead.

Long horizontally, and then vertically.

Paths intersect in straight lines.

The inverted cross on the forehead, meant to signify martyrdom in reverse for being unable to face God proudly, transforms into the shape of a cross along those cracks.

Thud.

The mask that broke apart centering on that cross fell to the ground as if no longer needed by me.

“You, what exactly are you…?”

“Come to think of it, I said we’d talk but I never introduced myself.”

For the first time, fear enters Lilia’s eyes as she looks at me.

The feeling of seeing something incomprehensible.

But I, at least I could clearly define myself.

“I am…”

This second chance.

I know it was the original chance that should have been given to me.

But I could declare.

Though this power might have originally been mine, she was no fake.

She saved me through actions only she could accomplish.

For me, she was the Saintess who could embrace this world.

Therefore, I. I who have changed through her and been able to stand here again, define myself like this.

“The Vicarious Saint.”

This power is mine but the path I shall walk is the one she illuminated.

Yes, I’m not special.

She wasn’t the only one who was special.

The sky isn’t beautiful just because it’s blue. When white cumulus clouds mix in, it becomes even more beautiful.

So I am both her companion walking together to fulfill her wishes and her proxy.

“Cielo.”

With that declaration, the dark clouds covering Rubia begin to part.

And beyond them at last.

The blue sky could be seen. (TLN: Is it just me or that this content feels like shouldn’t be in chapter 47 and instead should be around the ending chapters. Not that I’m complaining, heck I’m even impressed by the author and excited what would the future chapters be like.)