Return (1)

“…st.”

A hazy consciousness, but a burning pain wrapping around my entire body.

“…Lost!”

“Linea.”

“Lost, are you alright?”

This wasn’t the inn. Looking at the surroundings, I could tell it was decorated with all sorts of precious items.

Perhaps we had come to Ilina Crowley’s home, meaning the Mystic King’s mansion. Of course, since she was caught up in the dream with me, they probably wanted to bring me in for investigation.

“Lost.”

“Give me a moment.”

“Ah, yes…”

When I showed signs of wanting to be alone, Linea quietly nodded and left the room.

“Call me when your thoughts are organized.”

“Right…”

The first emotion I felt was self-loathing.

I thought that was the best option.

That’s what I thought. That was the product of my unconscious mind.

In that sudden situation, I unconsciously chose to dig into Ilina Crowley’s wounds.

Through pain-induced lessons and imprinting.

In the same way as Teacher Revenna.

That’s how I made her grow.

This is…

“A disgusting feeling.”

Even though it succeeded, my heart wasn’t at ease. I can’t help but think I used her.

While making excuses that it was the best option, I rationalized touching her trauma.

That wasn’t the best. No, even if it was the best, it was only for me.

Was this really the best for her too?

Though it might have worked out in the end, I forcefully shoved what she had been avoiding right in front of her face – how could that be called the best?

She wasn’t ready. Though I knew she would overcome it someday, I forced it based on my own standards.

Was I this kind of person?

Was this actually my human nature that emerged when backed into a corner?

Just as chills ran down my spine at this aspect of myself that even I hadn’t known…

“Is this also…”

Teacher’s education?

That thought occurred to me.

Education to be wary of aspects of myself that even I hadn’t grasped.

Teacher would have done that.

At least if Teacher was truly on my side, if she still wanted to remain as my teacher.

That might have been the case.

Though now I can’t help but doubt what her identity is, what her purpose is.

“Ugh! Kuugh…”

Even such self-loathing and contemplation soon gets buried under the intense pain of burns.

It’s not real burns. What I experienced was just a dream after all.

But if I felt real pain and it remains vividly in my memory, how could it end as just a simple dream?

Though there are no wounds, phantom pain remains.

The memory of that moment burning in flames creates confusion in my flesh.

“Lost? Are you alright?”

“…Your ears are unnecessarily good.”

“Please don’t say things like that. Talking back to your doctor…”

“No, I didn’t mean it that way.”

Seeing how genuinely dejected she looked, I had to apologize.

“Though there are no external wounds, where does it hurt?”

“Phantom pain.”

“Then that’s not something I can resolve. Rather, this is something Lost can…”

“Right, since it’s a mental issue. I’ll be fine soon.”

Unless Linea is a psychiatrist, this is an issue I should resolve. At least I’m a priest who heals people’s hearts.

“How is Princess Ilina?”

Linea just shrugged her shoulders. Well, there’s no need to check where she went one by one.

Tracking her is my holy magic’s job so she doesn’t need to worry about it separately.

“Can I go look for her a bit?”

“Oh, are you asking for permission?”

“Since you’re my attending physician.”

“Of course! Of course! Go ahead.”

Having been scolded once before, I asked and her mood visibly improved.

Despite everything, Linea takes pride in being a doctor, that’s why.

“Then I’ll be back.”

I left the room while pressing down on my palm that had felt pain the longest. Though Linea watched with concern, she didn’t try to stop me.

*     *      *

The Mystic King’s castle was a place befitting its owner’s reputation.

Fundamentally beautiful, mysterious, and overflowing with convenience.

In some ways, it could be said to be similar to Nidavellir.

Technology and mystery. A different directional future unfolds in this space.

Things like elevators that move without needing people to operate them, or floors that move according to which direction I’m heading.

Truly convenient magic.

Of course, if I had come as an intruder rather than a guest, all of this would be nothing but chains to bind me…

Seems I’m still an uninvited guest.

“So it’s you.”

When I followed the lingering traces of holy magic I had placed on Ilina Crowley, what I found wasn’t her, but a young boy.

On the boy’s hand rested light that seemed as if it had been torn away.

…My holy magic.

“Though that child might not have noticed due to lacking experience…”

The boy spoke with a smile that looked gentle yet eerie at first glance.

“It doesn’t work on me.”

Controls fire.

Makes earth flow.

Stills wind and shatters water.

A realm that can impose new laws upon impossible laws.

8th circle grand mage.

Mystic King, Castian Crowley.

“So now there’s no need to leave this be when I know about it.”

Saying that, Castian Crowley completely shattered the light.

At the same time, the traces of holy magic I had placed on Ilina Crowley completely vanished.

Suspicion turned to certainty.

That the grand mage before my eyes was clearly on a different level.

If only he had joined the war, the situation would have been much easier…

“I know you saved our granddaughter. So there’s no reason to overlook this any further. If you understand, don’t do such foolish things again.”

“…Right.”

“Though that’s not a very polite response… I can’t scold you since my granddaughter received such a great favor.”

“I’m glad you think so. At least you seem to have some shame.”

“What an impudent brat.”

It can’t be helped.

The more I know how remarkable he is, the deeper my sense of betrayal grows.

Even if it’s irrelevant now after my regression, how could human emotions be so composed?

“Well then, Ilina is behind here. Console her well.”

Fortunately, Castian Crowley didn’t block my path. Rather, he made way saying to console Ilina well.

As I passed by Castian Crowley who had stepped back one step.

“Thank you for helping my granddaughter.”

“…Yes.”

I wanted to ask how much he knew, but I didn’t. Getting involved with him now would likely bring more harm than good.

After passing by Castian Crowley like that, what I found was a balcony.

The sunset sky was visible.

Come to think of it, I didn’t even ask when I had woken up.

I approached Ilina Crowley, the blue-haired woman looking up at the crimson sky.

“You want something from me, right?”

She asked without turning around.

“Yes, that’s right.”

I decided to answer honestly.

It would be too cowardly to tell lies after coming this far.

“You approached me with that as your goal from the start?”

“Yes.”

“…Well, I appreciate the honesty.”

It was a fleeting smile.

Right, such things happen too. Actually, it’s natural.

Human relationships can’t always work out perfectly.

If I could revive past relationships and build good relationships with them, conversely my actions could destroy previously good relationships.

This time it was the latter. Though I tried to make it the former as much as possible, this resulted from an aspect of myself I hadn’t known.

A clear mistake. Though the result was good, not by my standards.

“So? What’s your purpose?”

“I needed Princess Ilina’s help.”

“What kind of help?”

“…I was hoping you could use teleport magic to send one of my companions back home.”

“Wow, so you predicted I would reach 7th circle?”

“I was certain.”

“There are others though. Duke Forys is right there, and my grandfather too. Why did it have to be me?”

“Because I thought you were the most virtuous.”

“And yet you did that to someone like me.”

A thorny tone.

But it didn’t feel purely condemning. If anything, it was playful, using her anger.

“Now I see you’re good at empty words.”

“That’s how priests are. Well.”

“Right, I didn’t know that.”

Jobs that move people’s hearts naturally have to be that way.

Words are one of the biggest factors by which others judge you after all. For reference, the other one is appearance.

Thinking about my first meeting with Ilina Crowley, that wasn’t bad either.

“Damn, and you were my type too.”

“…”

Well, if you say so.

Somehow I thought she was unusually nice to me.

It feels a bit regrettable but what can I do. It’s enough that we remain on speaking terms like this.

At least she doesn’t seem like she’ll refuse my request.

“Anyway, thanks to you I overcame my trauma so I’ll help.”

“Since that topic came up, may I ask? How did you overcome it?”

“…You threw your body into flames without even having that certainty?”

“I was certain you would overcome it.”

“That’s quite cowardly.”

Ilina Crowley turned around with a bitter smile.

Unlike her tone, her pure appearance and blue hair created quite a stunning atmosphere blending with the sunset.

Perhaps she had been waiting for me in this place.

“It wasn’t much. I just, recalled the situation right before that moment.”

“The situation right before…”

“The moment when I lit a small flame and our family was warm, if only briefly.”

Something only she could do.

Thinking about it, originally everyone should have frozen to death long before.

Her ability delayed that moment and created time for the family to have their final conversation.

A common story, one that anyone would think of.

And she needed that obvious story to stand up.

That story that everyone knew and she knew too, but was too painful and difficult to recall.

“I was able to survive because my father had options left. Originally he wouldn’t have even been able to make such a choice.”

“He was remarkable. Even high-ranking priests would struggle with such dedication.”

“You did it too though?”

“I’m a higher-ranking priest than Princess Ilina thinks.”

“What, are you a cardinal or something?”

Close but wrong.

Strictly speaking, I’m higher than that.

“Pleased to meet you, Princess Ilina. Let me introduce myself again. I am the Vicarious Saint, humbly bearing the baptismal name Cielo.”

She deserves to know.

Even if there’s no benefit, even if nothing changes.

Even if I must bear the risk of revealing my identity.

She has proper qualifications to hear this story.

“I, as an apostle of the Pantheon Temple, testify. Princess Ilina Crowley. Your father surely ascended to heaven, receiving recognition for his dedication.”

“…”

Though she didn’t speak, I could feel that Ilina Crowley had received some salvation.

Just one statement.

But the weight changes depending on who said those words.

“…May I ask one more thing? Saint.”

“Yes, I’ll answer anything I can.”

Her attitude changed slightly.

Whether because I revealed my status, she started mixing in honorifics.

That’s natural. The current me needs that kind of distance from her.

Though she might feel grateful, she surely cannot approve of that method.

I feel the same. Though I resolved her issue, I feel guilt rather than satisfaction.

“Did you plan everything from the start?”

“I can definitively say no.”

“Then from when?”

“When that situation arose. I judged that would bring the best results then.”

“You’re a frightening person.”

“Perhaps so.”

Even I didn’t know this aspect of myself. I was probably the most surprised.

I won’t use that method ever again. It only brings pain to everyone.

I learned a painful lesson this time.

Since this too was Teacher’s method…

…So I probably can’t completely hate Teacher.

“I’ll help you this time.”

“Thank you.”

“So this relationship ends with that. Let’s clear both gratitude and resentment, so we can build a new relationship next time we meet.”

Ilina Crowley finally showed a bright smile. It was that beautiful smile I remembered.

“I won’t disappoint you then?”

“Yes, I can say that definitively.”

And so we decided to lose both gratitude and resentment between us.

To gain a new relationship.