Chapter 3

His body reacted first.

Quil straightened his back with an expressionless face. Bile pushed its way up, but he swallowed it down.

“Why?”

He asked back as if nothing had happened. The girl said nothing.

A short silence twisted his insides. It was his limit. He spoke with his eyes darting around frantically.

“If you have nothing to say, I’m leaving.”

It was when he tried to brush past the girl.

“Don’t.”

She grabbed his wrist. Rage shot to the top of his head. When he tried to shake his wrist free roughly, the girl frantically shook her head.

“There’s someone behind you!”

The moment she finished speaking, footsteps came closer.

“Follow me.”

“Let go.”

“I know a place with no people. It’s where I go to be alone.”

Hurry, the girl said desperately. Quilbion stared blankly at the girl, then took a step toward where she was pulling him.

They crossed the small hill that rose behind Friendship House. Along the way, his stomach convulsed several times and he almost vomited, but each time the girl said,

“Just hold on a little longer. Not here.”

“Where are we going…”

“You know where the warehouses are, right? Throw up there.”

The relief that he could expel the disgusting food was greater than the sense of crisis that she’d seen through him.

Three warehouses lined up in a row came into view. He collapsed beside the stream flowing next to them and retched up everything inside.

Even after emptying everything, dry heaves continued. Quil rinsed his mouth with stream water and wiped his face.

His raging stomach quickly grew comfortable.

Worry surged in direct proportion to the subsiding pain. How should he face the girl behind him?

His head, which normally poured out answers, offered no solutions.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

The girl spoke to him.

“I just had an upset stomach, that’s all. It’s nothing.”

“Liar. If your stomach hurt, you would have told the others and gone to the bathroom. If it was serious, you would have told an Ascetic. Isn’t that right?”

“I hid it because I thought I’d lose points.”

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stood up. Act calm, act like it’s fine to tell—that’s all he had to do, then go back.

“The food was horrible, wasn’t it?”

Quil couldn’t look the girl in the eyes. He didn’t know why. He spoke while keeping his gaze fixed on a pebble on the ground.

“No, it was delicious like always.”

“I saw your expression.”

“What did you see?”

The girl stepped forward boldly and held out what she’d been hiding behind her back.

It was a dingily stained cloth, bulging outward. Without words, Quil’s body answered what was inside.

He grimaced at the utterly unbearable foul smell and stepped back.

He realized his mistake too late.

The girl squinted her eyes.

“No different from usual? Really?”

The cloth unfolded. The revolting food revealed itself. Just seeing it made him shudder.

“Eat it.”

“This? Why should I?”

“You like it.”

“It might have gone bad.”

“It hasn’t gone bad. It’s food from just now.”

The pitch-black food drew closer.

Quil swung his hand. The cloth fell to the ground and the food scattered across it.

“I’m not hungry enough to eat someone else’s leftovers.”

He spoke as if making an excuse. The girl was moving her feet to cover the food with dirt.

“I don’t eat it and secretly gather it like this to throw away outside. Because this is absolutely inedible food.”

“If you don’t eat the food, it’s penalty points. Taking it outside is also penalty points.”

“I know. But I can’t eat it.”

“Try harder to eat it. The Ascetics always said so. That you become healthy when you eat food with a reverent heart.”

“Really?”

The girl smiled faintly. It was an ominous smile.

“Then tomorrow I’ll give you all my food. No, not just tomorrow—from now on, always. No! I’ll tell the one who distributes food to give you double portions. If I throw a tantrum, I’ll get penalty points, but the Ascetics will listen to me. Because like you said, food makes a healthy body.”

“Why—why are you doing this to me!”

The girl’s smile vanished completely.

As if there had never been any trace of laughter in her round eyes, tears welled up.

“Save me.”

“What?”

“I feel like I’m going crazy. I tried to endure. I tried to understand. I’m the crazy one, I’m the one who’s wrong, my learning is insufficient!”

The girl approached and grabbed his collar.

“Please, please save me. Please.”

She collapsed. Her knees gave out and she half-crumpled. Quil reached out and grabbed her arm.

Her swaying body was eerily light. So light that if he pushed her, she wouldn’t just fall but fly away.

Only then did the girl’s wrist catch his eye.

Emaciated. It was strange. The girl had been like this the whole time. When she was beaten, when she swept instead of taking penalty points.

But why hadn’t it seemed strange before?

Why did it seem strange now?

“You…”

“Please, save me.”

What should he do?

The answer was obvious. Take her to an Ascetic. Appropriate treatment would be provided and she’d soon be fine.

Whatever the girl said, he could brush it off as hallucinations from being sick.

If he did that, everything would become clear and comfortable.

“Save me.”

At the fading voice, his thoughts stopped abruptly.

Quilbion knew it was wrong, knew it violated the rules, but he had no choice but to give the wrong answer.

“Alright. I’ll save you.”

*

Save her.

He realized what that meant, what events would come crashing down on him, when his head touched the pillow.

Ah—a sigh escaped on its own.

“Did you call me?”

Drich, who’d been lying on the opposite bed, raised his head.

“No, nothing.”

He pulled the blanket over and lay on his side. The girl’s haggard face flashed across his retina, followed by the revolting food.

When he woke up, he’d have to go to the dining hall. He’d have to put that horrible thing in his mouth again and pretend to chew it like nothing was wrong.

Goosebumps crawled across his skin. He could do it once or twice, but after that?

Quilbion assessed himself coldly. It wasn’t a problem that could be solved by enduring. It wasn’t that kind of thing.

He needed a method.

Wrapping up the food and throwing it away like the girl did would be difficult for now. She ate alone in a corner of the dining hall. Because no one paid her any attention, she could secretly wrap it in cloth and throw it away.

On the other hand, Quil always ate among friends. He could be called the center.

When conversations happened at the table, they ‘always’—it was safe to say—passed through Quil.

With dozens of eyes watching, throw away food?

He’d be having a meeting with an Ascetic that very day.

A meeting.

Meeting with an Ascetic had become something to fear. The change that came in just one day was terribly bewildering and painful.

Why had it come to this?

“You asleep?”

Drich called out to him.

“No. Why?”

“Just wondering if you’re worried about something.”

You’re really perceptive at times like this. He turned his body to look at Drich.

His closest friend who’d shared the same room all along. A fellow practitioner who’d studied together. A reliable friend he could share everything with.

“I’m not.”

Quil learned for the first time how bitter and stinging lies could be.

“Really? Then sleep well.”

Drich was soon snoring.

He listened to the snoring, then sat up. He organized his thoughts while looking out the pitch-black window.

First, he had to act while hiding the ‘truth’ from the Ascetics.

It was a rule that when ‘impure thoughts’ arose, he should consult with an Ascetic. Rules were not to be broken.

But Quil had caught a whiff from the rules. The rotting smell coming from the food.

Whether the rules were wrong, and if so, what exactly was twisted—he didn’t know precisely.

Taking something unclear as the basis for action. Under normal circumstances, it was something he’d never do.

Quil looked at the tossing and turning Drich.

This expectation lingered in one corner of his heart.

It was a brief moment of wandering. The food would soon become delicious, and his faith in the Ascetics would revive. The girl could be led to the right path too.

But from that deep place beyond thought, beyond his control, another voice was rising.

There was no turning back now.

The perfect world ended today.

*

Honestly speaking, he wanted to break his own leg. No, wait. If he injured his leg, they’d bring food to the bedroom. Maybe Drich would lift him up and carry him to the dining hall.

At the hand tapping his back, Quil snapped out of his idle thoughts.

“You’ve been off since last night. Are you sick somewhere?”

“Sick? I just stopped for a moment to calculate points.”

“No matter how much you calculate, I’m first place this time.”

Drich laughed heartily and walked ahead. Quilbion let out a short breath, then mixed into the group and entered the dining hall.

The children who’d been chattering noisily also quieted the moment they entered the dining hall. Rule 14. You must keep your mouth shut from receiving food until sitting at the table.

With a sloppy sound, a black mass landed on his plate. He smiled at the brightly grinning server, then turned around.

He could see the girl sitting in the corner. She was using a table for four all by herself. He walked straight toward the island that no one approached.

“Quil?”

Ignoring Drich’s questioning voice, he stood in front of the girl.

“What…”

Before the girl could finish speaking, he sat down. He could feel gazes converging on him. His head felt not just hot but like holes were being drilled through it.

“What are you doing?”

The girl asked quietly, shrinking her neck.

“You asked me to save you.”

He gave the girl, whose mouth was moving, a look and said,

“An Ascetic is looking this way and approaching. If I’m right, blink twice.”

The girl blinked rapidly.

“Good. You just pretend to eat your food. That’s all you need to do.”

He sensed a presence behind him. Quilbion picked up his spoon and brought it to the food.

“Quilbion.”

Right, there’s really no turning back now.

Quil turned his head to look at Al Terua.

“Yes?”

“Why are you eating here?”

“Because she’s eating alone.”

“This child has been eating alone for a while now.”

“I thought it was right for her to eat alone too. She broke the rules, didn’t she? She said strange things too. Of course she should be punished. But after meeting the Pioneer, something I learned long ago came back to me.”

“What was it?”

“That we must be together. That we must study together and advance together so all of us can undergo the Ritual of Awakening.”

There were no lies. He’d answered based on what he’d been taught. The intent might be different, but the words were consistent.

Hot breath swirled inside his throat. Heart, please beat slowly.

Unlike the chaos inside, Quil’s expression was no different from usual. He was surprised at himself.

“I see.”

Al Terua showed a smile and turned away. Quil realized intuitively.

It was a smile hiding suspicion.

Reflexively, he stood up and approached Al Terua, who’d walked a few steps away.

Then he asked back with a face full of anticipation.

“Can I receive special points for this?”